The Fine Line Between Empathy and Enabling – Where Leaders Go Wrong with EI

Rahul had been struggling for weeks. As a bright but relatively new manager, he found himself buried in competing priorities. When deadlines piled up, his leader, Anita, stepped in to “help”. At first, Anita reorganised Rahul’s to-do list. Soon after, she began drafting emails on his behalf and even joined calls to refine his presentations. 

Rahul felt relieved in the moment, but something shifted. He stopped trying to work out priorities himself, and he relied on Anita to “fix” what he could not. Anita, meanwhile, grew exhausted. She was carrying her own responsibilities, while also taking on Rahul’s. What began as empathy, gradually slipped into enabling. 

It is a common story. Leaders want to be supportive. They want their teams to succeed. Yet, without realising it, they move from empowering to disempowering, from guiding to rescuing. 

“Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime.” This proverb captures the distinction perfectly. Empathy is – teaching someone to fish, and making them independent. Enabling is – handing them the fish every time, and fostering dependency. 

Empathy vs. Enabling. 

It's crucial we understand the difference between Empathy and Enabling. 

Empathy means walking beside someone step-by-step, listening to their concerns, and helping them find their own solutions. It empowers people to grow, strengthens trust, and builds confidence. 

Enabling, on the other hand, means walking in someone's shoes, taking on their burden and making it your responsibility to fix it. It disempowers by teaching dependence and eroding ownership. 

In Rahul and Anita’s case, Anita’s empathy tipped into enabling. Instead of helping Rahul develop problem-solving skills, she took them on herself. The result was dependency for Rahul and burnout for Anita. 

Leaders who enable often, believe they are being compassionate, but they unintentionally create dependency, limit development, and increase their own stress. 

Empathy empowers. Enabling disempowers. 

Why Leaders Enable Without Realising. 

There are several reasons leaders slip into enabling.  The shift often happens subtly. 

1. Avoidance of discomfort – Watching someone struggle is difficult, so leaders intervene to ease their own unease. 

2. Over-identification – When a team member’s challenge mirrors a leader’s own past experiences, they may overstep in an effort to rescue. 

3. A sense of responsibility – Leaders with strong accountability instincts may feel it is their duty to fix things to ensure success. 

4. Confusion between support and doing – Helping is often misinterpreted as doing the task for someone rather than guiding them. 

5. Lack of boundaries – Without clarity on roles, responsibilities, and limits, the line between empathy and enabling becomes blurred. 

   
   

The value of Empathy, when done right. 

The benefits of empathy in leadership are well-documented. Consider the following insights: 

• Employees whose managers display high emotional intelligence are four times less likely to leave compared with those led by managers with low EI. 

• High levels of trust, often built through empathy, can increase team performance by up to 20%. 

• Empathetic leadership correlates positively with innovation and creativity, since it fosters psychological safety. 

These findings highlight that empathy is not a soft skill in the dismissive sense. It is a strategic leadership capability. The danger comes when it is misapplied. 

The hidden cost of enabling. 

When empathy turns into enabling, leaders and teams suffer and face the following risky consequences: 

1. Dependency: Team members wait for the leader to act and stop owning their work.  As a result, growth, autonomy, and initiative stall. 

2. Leader burnout: Leaders take over the responsibilities of the team members; hence, absorbing emotional strain and workload.  As a result, sustainability is compromised. 

3. Resentment:  When others see the leader taking responsibility for one team member’s work, they perceive it as unfairness and favouritism.  This results in erosion of trust and fairness. 

4. Role confusion: Leaders end up doing their team’s work.  This results in blurring of accountability boundaries. 

5. Low self-belief: Team members believe they cannot succeed independently.  It matters because over a period of time, the confidence and resilience in the team weaken.  

Practical strategies to stay empathetic without enabling. 

1.  Ask questions rather than provide answers – Encourage team members to generate their own solutions. 

2.  Be transparent – State clearly, “I want to support you, but this is yours to own.” 

3.  Clarify roles – Distinguish between coaching and doing. 

4.  Set time boundaries – Signal that you are here to guide, not to take over. 

5. Encourage experimentation – Let people try, learn, and adjust, rather than stepping in prematurely. 

6.  Debrief and reflect – Focus on what they learned rather than what you solved. 

7.  Check yourself – If you find yourself over-invested in another person’s struggle, it may be a sign of enabling. 

Building Emotional Intelligence with Boundaries 

Leadership interventions often teach empathy, but rarely focus on boundaries. Yet, without this balance, even well-intentioned leaders can disempower their teams. Boundary awareness should be a core part of advanced EI training. 

In conclusion, leaders who consistently step in to fix others’ problems may believe they are helping, but often they are unintentionally creating dependency. The real mark of effective leadership lies in empowering people to take ownership, grow, and succeed. 

If you notice that you are carrying the weight of your team’s challenges, or if you feel drained from over-involvement, it may be time to recalibrate. 

At Concordia Solutions, we focus not only on enhancing empathy, but also on teaching leaders how to use it wisely. Our work helps leaders build trust, maintain resilience, and scale their impact without falling into the trap of enabling. We specialise in leadership development that strengthens emotional intelligence, equips leaders to draw the line between empathy and enabling, and builds empowered, resilient teams. 

If you would like to learn how we can support you or your organisation, get in touch with us today. Together, let us teach people to fish so that they can thrive for a lifetime. 

Website - www.concordiasolutions.in 

Email ID - concordia@zehaava.com  Phone number - +91 80198 64400 

References used in the above write-up. 

1.  The Statistics on Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace 

2. The Impact of Emotional Intelligence on Leadership | Grant Thornton 

3. Empathetic leadership and employees’ innovative behavior: examining the roles of career adaptability and uncertainty avoidance - PMC